Lindsay To Be A Missionary?

You know, I always kind of felt like there was some little way that LL reminded me of my mom. This little charmer with a heart of gold (pictured here flipping you off) is set to do missionary work in India next year. Yeah; according to daddy, she's going to be doing stuff to help out with some "child sexual slavery" issues and helping victims of AIDS in India with a church group next February. Only according to Lindsay's people, this is just something her dad made up. Oh well: you're not old enough of an actress to have to do humanitarian work abroad to impress people, Lindsay. You just keep being you, and we'll keep loving you for it.

Required Listening

Preferably as loud as possible.

I Don't Buy It

I recently decided I'm not going to buy things anymore. Part of it is because months ago I noticed myself deliberately trying to ease my frustration with the working world or whatever else was stressing me out at the moment by means of purchasing goods (specifically DVDs at Borders) and part of it is because a light went on in my head the other day when I followed a link from FARK.com to a cnn article about dumpster diving for food. I mean, of course I'm going to keep spending money on some things, but not a lot of things. I wrote out a list of stuff I can get or do for free, and it is pretty surprising how it covers most of my needs and wants. And, of course, instead of spending all of my disposable income on things I don't need or want like people tend to do, I can always invest it. Everybody knows the best things in life are free--why do we spend so much money on stupid shit?

Still apprehensive? Check out the youtube files for this hilarious episode of Never Mind The Buzzcocks, a comedic BBC pop music quiz show, and tell me you've had more fun with something you once paid money for:

Nymag.com Crashes Under The Enormous Weight Of Lindsay Lohan's Tits

According to the Red Eye, nymag.com recorded 20 million hits on Monday and Tuesday for the nude photographs of Lindsay Lohan presently posted on the website. That's 2,000% more traffic than the site had one year ago. Eventually the traffic built up to such an extent that the site crashed harder than LL t-boning a paparazzo in her Mercedes.

I Told You They Were Real!

I'm not going to go on and on about this, but New York Magazine is publishing nudie pictures of LL in it's next issue. Photographer Ben Stern had Lindsay do a mock-up of Marilyn Monroe's iconic "Last Sitting" shoot, telling LL that they would be shown in a museum or a solo show or something, and then he just sold them to a magazine. Anyway, LL's publicist is just like, "suck it; take a look at that and try to tell me they're fake." The issue isn't on stands yet, but it looks like it's going to make a big splash. Earlier today when I called the Borders on State Street to see if they carried New York Magazine, the clerk, who clearly had been fielding calls like this all day was like "you want the Lindsay Lohan issue? It's not here yet." It just goes to show that Lindsay Lohan kicks an endless amount of ass. I'm really glad someone's giving her a break, even if it is in a "but you have to get naked" way.

Update: I just checked the pictures out on nymag.com, and a couple of them actually made me weak in the knees. I'm really tempted to post one here, but, out of a sense of propriety, I will refrain. You should really check it out though.

Viva La Boosh!

So, the only thing I really give a fuck about right now is The Mighty Boosh, a 30-minute BBC sitcom/psychedelic adventure created by these two guys Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. A few months ago a friend of mine showed me an episode he had TiVo'd, and at first it really creaped me out, but after a couple viewings I started to fully embrace the Boosh, and now I crave it every night. It's pointless to try to explain the show to a non-Boosher. But if you like Gary Numan, magic, feathered hair, bizarre home-made monster costumes, Polo mints and strawberry shoelaces, obligatory ho-downs, learning a brand-new language of British slang (bonus: including "fetch" meaning "cool," like in Mean Girls) and really, really hot female extras, you owe it to yourself give it a shot. Seriously: don't fuck this one up--you need the Boosh.

Visit the official Mighty Boosh website.

Does This Mean...There Is A God?

I'm not sure if this is proof of God's existence - or proof that God is truly dead - but Anton LeVey's "Black House," for decades the San Francisco headquarters of LeVey's Church of Satan, has now been supplanted by a really fucking ugly condo duplex.

Fuck, Yes! LL To Publish Her Diary

Lindsay Lohan is planning to one-up all of her mouthy former bodyguards by going ahead and publishing all of the lurid details of her descent into addiction and nymphomania herself. I can't wait; this is going to be so sweet! No word yet on when it comes out or who will publish it, but believe you me I'll keep you updated.

LL To Participate In Scared Straight Program At Morgue

This summer Lindsay Lohan will visit a morgue as part of the plea deal she struck with the court in her drunk driving case. The visit is part of a "scared straight"-style class conducted by the Los Angeles County Coroner's Office, in which a couple dozen other DUI perpetrators will participate. Lindsay and her classmates will all have to confront dead bodies at the morgue as an object lesson in the possible consequences of driving drunk. As I'm sure you will remember, Lindsay was arrested twice last year on DUI charges and pleaded guilty in August to misdemeanor drunken driving and cocaine possession charges. LL has also performed many hours of community service and served a day in jail as part of the plea deal.

"Sugar, Sugar": The One That Started It All?

What's your favorite song? Mine's "Sugar, Sugar." You know that song, right? It's pretty awesome, isn't it? It probably won't surprise you to hear that it topped the charts both in America and in the UK when it was released in 1969--but did you know that Billboard ranked it as the #1 single of the entire year? So, it beat out all singles released in 1969 by The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Jackson 5 and Stevie Wonder, for instance. When I was in high school I used to spend a lot of time riding around in my friend Jason's car, listening to 104.3 (which used to be an oldies station) on his disintegrating car stereo. Invariably "Sugar, Sugar" would come on at some point in the day, and we would turn it up and rock out. Back then we used to joke that "Sugar, Sugar" was the first indiepop song because the simple chord progression (C Major--F Major--G Major), the fuzzbox lead guitar, and the amateurish-sounding female vocal interjections reminded us of the songs on the 7 inches I had ordered from Slumberland and the Bus Stop Label. Actually "Sugar, Sugar" was the opposite of amateurish; it was written by Brill Building mainstay Jeff Barry, who also penned "Be My Baby," and (yes the sleeve of my copy of End Of The Century confirms he also wrote) "Baby, I Love You." Ellie Greenwich, Barry's partner in writing "Baby, I Love You" didn't help write "Sugar, Sugar"--but is one of the studio musicians who performed on the record. I could have guessed all of this stuff, but what I had no idea about is that The Archies, who "perform" "Sugar, Sugar" are the characters from Archie Comics, who somehow sang Brill Building pop songs on I guess a TV show. So that's why they didn't tour.