In Appreciation Of Ohio Girls

I love Ohio girls. They just wear whatever was on their bedroom floor and they always smell like powdered sugar and sunscreen. They don't talk about politics or world issues, and they don't care about tapas or fancy cocktails. You never have to buy them anything, because the bars just give them drink tickets on weekends. They constantly use language that would make a sailor blush and they'll kiss you right in front of their boyfriends. They just want to play drinking games and watch TV and they never ask you what you do for a living--because they can remember the day you got into law school.

Swedish Feminists To Desexualize The Breast

A group of Swedish feminists calling themselves Just Breasts are mounting a civil disobedience campaign aimed to make it legal for women to go topless in Sweden. In other words, they are showing their boobies at various public beaches and pools as they swim in bottoms-only bathing suits. I know that sounds pretty cool, but you really have to read the fine print with these things: the group's stated goal is to make women's breasts "as normal and desexualised as men's, so that we too can pull off our shirts at football matches." Women: could you please take pity on a wretched creature and not take this one thing away from me?

Public Opinion: Crying Men Are OK, Crying Women Are Creepy

Today CNN opined that viewers' reactions to public figures crying depends in large part on the public figure's gender. Perhaps counter-intuitively, people react much more favorably when men cry. Apparently, it is perceived that a man is crying because he apprecietes the gravity of a situation, and that a women is just blubbering for trivial reasons.

Canadian Club Launches Most Bad-Ass Ad Campaign Ever

Canadian Club, a whiskey that was highly favored by American drinkers decades ago, just launched an ad campaign that aspires to make CC a big-name brand again. But that isn't the end of the campaign's ambitions. Developed by advertising agency Energy BBDO of Chicago, this is Canadian Club's first national ad compaign in twenty years. The rather unique ads utilize a series of celebratory snap shots from the 1970's and posit a time of free-spirited--if a bit tame, non-threatening and run-of-the-mill--hedonism that today's younger alcohol consumers never experienced first-hand. Aimed exclusively at men (tagline: "Damn right your dad drank it") the ads are, of course, a welcome change from the metrosexual/neo-heroin chic masculinty monolith we've been stuck with recently. But I think they go even farther than that--inviting the consumer to ponder what kind of man he is becoming and why. I admit it's pretty Warhol-ian to think that advertising is more inspiring than, say, church. But, either way, you have to admit that this is one impressive attempt to reinvigorate an almost forgotten brand.

What's The Opposite Of Metrosexuality?

I predict that in the future women will have to dress as if they were butch lesbians to be considered cool, and heterosexual men will only be sexually attracted to women they think are gay.

Newsflash: Men Like To Fuck Feminists

We've been hiding it pretty well for decades now, but today Yahoo news let the cat out of the bag: men think feminists are really hot--maybe even as hot as women who don't mind subjugation. What's more, men love fucking feminists and all other women who respect themselves and hold themselves to high standards--even those that have superiority complexes--because it's so much more fun to listen to women like that beg for it. But seriously--pat yourself on the back, young feminist. Thinking that you are as important as anybody else is nothing to be embarrassed about. No matter what people say, men admire your self-respect, they think you're at least pretty cute, and, if you loose the glasses, they will fuck you whenever you want.

Research: Soy Lowers Sperm Count

I'm not sure if this means dudes should eat more or eat less tofu, but researchers at Harvard's medical school think that eating soy products lowers sperm count. Apparently, soya foods contain high amounts of certain compounds that mimic the effects of oestrogen in the body. Men who eat just half a serving of soya a day have drastically fewer sperm than those who do not consume such foods, according to a small, preliminary study performed by researchers at Harvard. Of course, soya industry shills caution that the new findings contradict earlier studies that have shown no impact on sperm count from soya-based products.

Rape Charges Filed Out Of Embarassment

I Just Solved All Of Your Romantic Problems

By showing you this website. You know how you're always like, "The only thing wrong with all the guys I meet is that they aren't millionaires"? I've got a whole website full of 'em, baby. And they're not just any millionaires; they're the kind of millionaires that can't get a date without going through a special dating site for millionaires. I'm never using Jdate again.

Womankind, You've Finally Made It!

We all know that the only things women give a shit about are clubbing and babies. Now they can have both at the same time. That's right, an auteur in Tucson, AZ has opened Baby Club Congress--the latest (and surely not last) in a trend of baby-friendly nightclubs that has spread across the US. And yes, you can drink there. But I'm guessing you won't meet any cute guys.

Study: Post-Feminism, Men Are Happier Than Women

This is really interesting, and a nice change from my usual hand-wringing about masculinity. Two economists at The University of Pennsylvania recently published a study that they think shows that presently women are less happy than they were decades ago, and that men are more happy than they were decades ago. The researchers opine that this is because men have actually been able to cut back on activities they find unpleasant, while women have simply replaced unpleasant activities with other unpleasant activities since the advent of women's lib. Apparently the research also shows that male high school seniors are considerably happier than they were in 1975, while female high school seniors are no happier than they used to be. What a great time to be a man, guys!

Afghan Boy's Family: Maybe You Should Take Out The Rape Scene

I haven't read The Kite Runner because it's bullshit tailor-made for upper middle class white girls who think they're intellectuals. But since it was written by an American author and intended for an American audience in the 2000's, the story culminates in the rape of a tween boy. Twelve year-old Ahmad Khan Mahmidzada who stars in the movie and plays the boy who gets what all men deserve has come out saying that he didn't really want to do that scene and he wishes the producers would take it out. His family, of course, agrees and fears that they will be ostracized or even attacked if the scene is included in the film. The producers--who did not provide Mahmidzada with the script of The Kite Runner prior to shooting, informing Mahmidzada and his family about the rape scene only days before the scene was shot--are just sort of like "Why?"

CT Teacher Resigns After Giving Student A Copy Of Eightball

High School English teacher Nate Fischer was forced to resign his post at a Guilford, CT school recently after controversy developed around his giving a female freshman student a copy of Eightball # 22. Dan Clowes' Eightball, referred to by this news source as "a series of comic book novels," is probably the most highly-regarded comic book presently published. Moviegoers may recognize recurring stories from Eightball that were the basis for the well-received feature films Ghost World and Art School Confidential. Superintendent of Schools Thomas Forcella said the book was "inappropriate" for freshman students, and the girl's father characterized the comic as "borderline pornography." The girl recently turned 14. Now I'm not going to bullshit you; Eightball does sometimes have tits in it, but I did read it when I was 14 with little or no negative affect on my development. In fact, when I was in high school one of my teachers lent me a bunch of R. Crumb comics, which makes Clowes' work look pretty Mickey Mouse. Of course, this girl's parents think that it is imperative that Fischer "never teach again."

And What Does This Say About The Voucher Program?

A teacher at a Christian high school in Canton Township, MI, was arrested Monday on charges that she sexually abused one of her male students. Stephanie Ann Stein, 31, who formerly taught at Plymouth Christian Academy in Canton Township is accused of having sex with a 15 year-old student from the school. Apparently the guy's mom came home several times over the summer and was puzzled to find the teacher there with her minor son. The teacher seriously tried to play it off like "I'm helping him with his schoolwork," but I guess that excuse only works so many times when you have your tits out. Stein faces several charges, including third degree criminal sexual conduct, which carries a penalty of up to 15 years in prison.

Wall Street Journal: Our View Of Men Compels Men To Limit Interaction With Kids

The Journal recently ran this interesting piece, which posits that much of men's limiting their interaction with kids they encounter is due to fear of being characterized as a predator. Not only did the men who gave input say that they were mortified when they accidentally bumped into a child they didn't know, but even felt compelled to avert their eyes when children were around and felt as though they should not hold their own child's hand in public.

Seattle Times: No Sympathy For Female Sex Abusers

There have been two reported instances of female teachers sexually abusing their students in Washington state in recent months. Jennifer Leigh Rice, a 31-year-old former Tacoma teacher, was recently charged with having sex with a 10-year-old boy who had been in her fourth-grade class. And earlier this year, former Tenino math teacher Dawn Welter, 38, was charged with second-degree sexual misconduct after spending the night at a motel with a 16-year-old female student. And that's nothing new. The only unusual thing here is that The Seattle Times is running a story actually commenting on how absurd it is that we collectively give these women a pass since they, as women, must be cultivating some valuable "relationship" by boning these apple-juice drinking, back pack-wearing tykes. Just a couple years ago, the press would still be giving you the tragically naive "by definition it's impossible to sexually abuse a male" argument.

What's The Best Way To Meet Women In Chicago?

These guys are my heroes.

SC Teacher Pleads Guilty To Charges Of Having Sex With 5 Male Students

Allenna Williams Ward pleaded guilty yesterday to charges stemming from her amorous liasons with five male middle school students. At the time of the conduct Ward, 23, was a seventh-grade language arts teacher at Bell Middle School in Laurens County, South Carolina. Ward pleaded guilty Thursday to six charges--three counts of second-degree criminal sexual conduct with a minor and three counts of lewd acts on a minor. By pleading guilty Ward admits that she had sex with several students in cars, parks, a hotel and at the school where she taught. Police said that Ward had sex with at least five boys: three 14-year-olds, and two 15-year-olds. The boys were students at Bell Middle School and another school that was not named.

Research: Male Undergraduate Students Sacrifice Professional Opportunity For Love

Research conducted by faculty of Duke University Medical Center and The University of Albany challenges the prevailing stereotype that women tend to value relationships and men tend to value their personal achievements. The study, which focused on college-aged subjects, concluded that men were more likely than women to give priority to a romantic relationship when asked to choose between a relationship and their career, education and traveling. Researchers further opined that the study seemed to indicate that men, in contrast to women, derive more emotional support from their opposite-sex relationships than their same-sex friendships.

Research: 27-Year-Old Men Genetically Predisposed To Liking Lindsay Lohan

A team of researchers from Vienna University's No Duh Department recently went public with research that tends to show that men's preference for younger women is a result of evolution. Vienna U No Duh Department head, Professor Obvious opined that men who fuck younger women "maximize their of chances of reproducing." But here's something pretty interesting: apparently the optimum age difference for reproduction is six years. Perfect!