Westboro Baptist Church Hit With $2.9M Verdict

Westboro Baptist Church--that bastion of temperate wisdom that brought you godhatesfags.com--got stuck with a $2.9 million dollar verdict from a jury in federal court in Baltimore, MD, today. And that doesn't include any punitive damages the jury may decide to award. The Westboro Baptist Church is a tight-knit group of seething hate-mongers, mainly made up of the blood relatives of its leader Fred Phelps. Needless to say, the group, known for its absurd website and its embarrassing, inappropriate public protests--which often include some amount of audience baiting--is a disgrace to all Baptists. Albert Snyder of York, PA, sued these psychos after they protested the funeral of his son, a marine, as a part of the group's recent campaign of picketing the funerals of random armed forces personnel as a way of agitating against the military's failure to actively purge itself of all homosexuals. Albert Snyder: 1, Westboro Baptist Church: -2,900,000.00.

The Dopest Celebratory Adjective Ever

I think that instead of using the words "sick" or "tight" to mean "cool," we should go back to using the word "fly" to mean "cool," like everybody did in 1990.

Oh Shit: "White Oprah" Starts Filming Reality Show

Dina Lohan, the self-proclaimed "White Oprah" is finally going to get that reality show she's being harping about for what seems like an eternity. The show will star Dina and Ali Lohan, AKA Lil' Lohan, and, according to Dina the show will demonstrate how functional the Lohan family really is and how much of a hard-working, successful, non-kids' money scamming woman Dina really is. E! is filming the show, but I imagine that's no guarantee the channel will ever air the thing. Let's hope they do though, just so we can all sneek a look into Lindsay Lohan's horrifying homelife.

Public Opinion: Crying Men Are OK, Crying Women Are Creepy

Today CNN opined that viewers' reactions to public figures crying depends in large part on the public figure's gender. Perhaps counter-intuitively, people react much more favorably when men cry. Apparently, it is perceived that a man is crying because he apprecietes the gravity of a situation, and that a women is just blubbering for trivial reasons.

Canadian Club Launches Most Bad-Ass Ad Campaign Ever

Canadian Club, a whiskey that was highly favored by American drinkers decades ago, just launched an ad campaign that aspires to make CC a big-name brand again. But that isn't the end of the campaign's ambitions. Developed by advertising agency Energy BBDO of Chicago, this is Canadian Club's first national ad compaign in twenty years. The rather unique ads utilize a series of celebratory snap shots from the 1970's and posit a time of free-spirited--if a bit tame, non-threatening and run-of-the-mill--hedonism that today's younger alcohol consumers never experienced first-hand. Aimed exclusively at men (tagline: "Damn right your dad drank it") the ads are, of course, a welcome change from the metrosexual/neo-heroin chic masculinty monolith we've been stuck with recently. But I think they go even farther than that--inviting the consumer to ponder what kind of man he is becoming and why. I admit it's pretty Warhol-ian to think that advertising is more inspiring than, say, church. But, either way, you have to admit that this is one impressive attempt to reinvigorate an almost forgotten brand.

Lindsay "Broke-Ass" Lohan Contractually Obliged To Host Lame LV New Year's Party

A Las Vegas nightclub, inexplicably named after Los Angeles airport LAX, is compelling LL to host a New Year's party there. How could anyone be obligated to celebrate their favorite holiday at a sleezy Las Vegas meat-market? Well, Lindsay accepted a few hundred grand from LAX in exchange for the press the club would get when she would host her 21st b-day party there. Then she flaked out, or got arrested, or whatever. But here's the twist ending: LL is so brokester right now, she doesn't have enough money to pay LAX back. So she has to yawn her way through New Year's Eve in some bar she doesn't even want to be in--all the while trying her damndest not to drink any liquor or snort any coke!

Leading Blend To Change Image

Teacher's blended Scotch whisky is set to change it's emblem to the one pictured here, which simply makes use of the image of the whisky's namesake and its "Full Flavor" motto. Teacher’s is a premium blended Scotch whisky, although the brand is much more prominent in the UK than it is in the states. The brand is known for its exceptionally high malt content. Guaranteed at 45 per-cent malt, the blend's proportion of malt to neutral spirits is amongst the highest of any blend. Teacher’s was first blended in Glasgow in the 1830s. The blend was recently recognised by the prestigious International Spirits Challenge 2007, picking up a bronze award for blended Scotch whisky.

What's The Opposite Of Metrosexuality?

I predict that in the future women will have to dress as if they were butch lesbians to be considered cool, and heterosexual men will only be sexually attracted to women they think are gay.

Newsflash: Men Like To Fuck Feminists

We've been hiding it pretty well for decades now, but today Yahoo news let the cat out of the bag: men think feminists are really hot--maybe even as hot as women who don't mind subjugation. What's more, men love fucking feminists and all other women who respect themselves and hold themselves to high standards--even those that have superiority complexes--because it's so much more fun to listen to women like that beg for it. But seriously--pat yourself on the back, young feminist. Thinking that you are as important as anybody else is nothing to be embarrassed about. No matter what people say, men admire your self-respect, they think you're at least pretty cute, and, if you loose the glasses, they will fuck you whenever you want.

Dalai Lama Forsakes Monk's Vows To Accept Giant Golden Penny From President

The Dalai Lama turned his back on the traditional Buddhist vow not to handle money today when he accepted a giant, solid-gold penny from George W. Bush. Bush recently announced his decision to honor Mr. Lama with the Congressional Gold Medal as a way of showing how much the President appreciates the Tibetan spiritual leader's status as a "universal symbol of peace and tolerance"--whatever that means. According to wikipedia, the Congressional Gold Medal is the highest civilian award which may be bestowed by the United States Congress. The decoration may be awarded to any individual who performs an outstanding deed or act of service to the security, prosperity, and national interest of the United States. The honoree need not be an American citizen. What a meaningless gesture--especially for a President who is presently waging several wars, even despite the objections of Congress. The President's bad faith aside, in my humble opinion this is only one step less crazy than awarding Al Gore a Nobel Peace Prize for giving a power point presentation in front of a camera. Anyway, I hope the Dalai Lama enjoys wearing that thing pinned to the breast of his tuxedo jacket the next time he goes to the opera with his 23 year-old actress girlfriend.