Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Newsflash: Lindsay Lohan Shows You Her Tummy

OK, so I'm tired of all of the "sign of the times" jokes about fistfights at gas stations or gas stations refusing credit cards or people renting tankers to try to steal a bunch of gas from gas stations. If you want proof positive that shit is totally fucked up in our country right now and that everyone is totally desperate for some glimmer of niceness while everything else rides to hell on its fixed-gear bike, look no further: today a google news search for "Lohan" resulted in no preemptively critical assessment of a film in preproduction, no provacative speculation about a lesbian affair with a DJ--in fact, it turned up nothing more than an item declaring that paparazzi went apeshit recently when LL fanned her shirt to air out on a hot day. Pathetic. That's how collectively desperate we, as a society, are for some Lindsay. We'll take anything; another fucking Christmas album, a peak at a belly button--it's all the same to us. On the other hand, I can honestly say that if global warming means that LL will randomly pull her shirt up more often I will personally gag Al Gore and develop fart-inducing cow food. Now eat something, girl; you look like 'Manda Bynes.

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